How does your battery charge?
I don’t mean a phone battery, even though mine seems to die at supercharged speed every time a new iPhone is about to come out. I mean your energy level. What charges it up and puts a smile on your face? New experiences, people, surroundings that are loud and engaging? Or do these scenarios cause a degree of fatigue and longing for a quiet place or moment to decompress? The more you understand your way of charging, the more you can reach the goals you set, spend your time wisely, and increase understanding in your personal relationships.
Introvert, Extrovert, & Ambivert
When I was a teenager, at some point during a family gathering or party, I would sneak off and take a quick nap on a random couch or find a quiet guest bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love family time. Beating my brothers at ping pong and talking with family means the world to me. But after any long period of time together, my energy drains to a point where I need to step away.
Thankfully, my family didn’t mind or force me to rejoin the festivities, unless I wanted to. However, I learned as I grew older, though I longed to escape my overstimulated surroundings and anxiety of being with new people or acquaintances, it was not socially acceptable to plop on a friend’s or party host’s bed and snooze until my amygdala calmed down.
According to Myer’s Briggs Assessments, I am 87% introvert. My battery charges when I am lost in thought, in quiet, low-stimulation settings, or when I have the privilege of having a deep, thoughtful conversation with someone. If you enjoy large groups of new people and feel energized by high-octane energy environments, you might be an extrovert. Or you could fall somewhere in between and recharge either way. That would make you an ambivert.
Understanding the Introvert
I can count on my hand how many times I’ve felt bored. Solitude is an enjoyable and necessary part of my life. However, being forced to socialize with a large number of new people can create a sense of unease and is draining. Still I love the sounds and energy that come with a booming concert, T.J. Maxx shopping trips and an overpriced farmer’s market but, I have learned to manage my energy with the things that I enjoy.
If you have 100% energy in the morning or let’s say 85% because of rough night of sleep, it’s important to manage how to use your energy the rest of the day:
-Find quiet times in the day to recharge.
-Match social engagements with solitude and/or a quiet bike ride.
-Choose a calm ride home (without the radio blaring or speaking on the phone) to decompress and process the day.
For me, these strategies help me engage with my husband and 2-year-old as I walk in the door. She is energy personified! Oh, the joy of being present with her makes my heart full and worth all the energy in the world.
Married to the Opposite
This is another conversation and blog altogether. I am a member of the Married to My Opposite Club. (Is this a club? Because there ought to be one!) My husband is an extrovert. It took a while to understand each other’s energy and social needs. Throughout our ten years together, we’ve both chosen to learn and better understand how the other is wired. What charges each of us is unique. It’s an important part of who we are and key to how we engage with others.
We’ve also learned to clearly communicate. For example, these differences can lead to arguments regarding how long we will stay at a party. My version of a fun night is leaving by 8:30 p.m.; for my husband, the earliest is 2 a.m.
Celebrating Differences
I have to say being with an extrovert is wonderful. They have this uncanny ability to draw you out of your comfort zone. They find complete joy in being the center of attention (which he is more than welcome to have) and he is not afraid of being silly in order to gain a laugh. I admire who he is and his ability to embrace his personality.
Conversely, he says I ground him, put things in perspective, and bring a level of calm toward which he doesn’t naturally gravitate. Being in the Married to Your Opposite Club has more than one benefit and I reap many more benefits than struggles! It is all about understanding and respecting your differences as much as your similarities.
Time to Charge Forward
To recoup your energy begin thinking about your preferences for decompressing after a long day. Allow your brain the space to wander and process in order to fully charge that night. A few professional suggestions as you do:
-Be kind to yourself—and to others who may have different needs.
-Rule out any health conditions or mental health diagnoses that may impact your energy. These can be discussed with a medical and mental health provider.
Have a charged day of your own creation!
Tiffany Lowther, LMHC
